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Friday, Sept. 13, 2002 - 4:46 p.m.

Corndogs can sometimes let you down.... (alternate title) I�m not usually happy for another�s grief, but in this case��

Porky earned a DUI last weekend.

I just heard about it today, and I can�t think of a person I would want more to have to deal with the consequences.

Yeah, I am not one to enjoy someone else�s suffering. If I was, I would be no better than Pumpkinhead at work.

But Porky? This man has a special place in Hell reserved for him.

First off, you wanna know who I am talking about, right?

Porky is my former boss. He was hired at the State the same day I was, and he started work one week later than me. I did my best to get along with him, but because we were so different (he is a bully, and I am hate bullies, for one example) it was impossible.

This is the man who made fun of me because I read too much. He used to call me �The smartest fuckin� man at the State!� as a way to insult me. For this type of behavior, I didn�t think much of him. But that isn�t the main thing I had against him.

I could have disliked him because of the way he became a lead worker. He was (ask anybody I work with, even the people he got along with) by far the laziest person we had out there when he was on the road. He would find any excuse he could to avoid doing his share of the job, and he always wanted to drive off of the route to visit his political mentor, Hog Hogan. Since this man lived in the south part of our county, if we were supposed to be working in the north half that was a problem. Not for him, though. He didn�t care if he got caught; he just drove there anyway. If I was in the truck with him, I stayed in the truck. Sometimes he would be inside for an hour or two, doing who-knows-what with Hog.

Hog is the reason he became the youngest lead worker in the state. A little political clout went a long way back then, and he was promoted (at the age of 29) to the Mohall #3 position when Ralphy retired. This set off a chain of events that resulted in MOM filing her discrimination lawsuit (because she was next in line to be a lead worker when Porky took the job), MOM then getting appointed to the non-existent Mohall #4 job, which caused much of the unrest that was our daily workplace in the early 1990�s.

Fun stuff all.

No, the real reason I didn�t like this man is simple: He liked to bully the weakest employees. He used his position to give them all the shit jobs. He would love to tear them down in front of the other employees, just to get a nervous laugh out of some of my coworkers. He worships basketball coach and all-around bad guy Bobby Knight, who was called �a classical bully" by another basketball coach in the past.

He really loved messing with Radar�s head. Radar had many family problems at the time (stiull does, but not as bad), and he does the best he can with what abilities nature gave him (if you get my drift). Radar was my snow route partner for many years, and I did what I could to help him out both at work and personally. Because he was my route partner, we would be assigned to jobs together during the winter quite often. This is when Porky would pick on Radar, and where I got deeper into his doghouse because I would give him shit back.

Kinda like boys on the grade school playground, only less mature.

When Porky quit the State a few years ago (to run a private business), he called me into the office on one of his last days. I was still the painter then, and not yet in the toolroom. He asked me to take a seat, and then he said this profound statement:�I bet you are the happiest person out here, now that I am leaving.�

I told him, �No, that would have to be Radar. There are probably many more out here happy that you are leaving, but I have no feelings about you, one way or another. I hope your new endeavor makes you happy.�

I then walked out of the office.I imagine the first thing he did when I left was get out his dictionary to see what �endeavor� meant.

I haven�t said 10 words to him since that day, even thought we occasionally buy products from his business. Don�t have any reason to talk with him, as far as I am concerned.


Oh yeah, the DUI story�.

Last weekend, a local small town had their annual town festival. He, being the mayor (?!?) of a neighboring small town, was hanging around the area all day, doing what politicians do. He spent most of the evening in the beer tent, enjoying a few cold brews.

Nothing wrong with that as far as I am concerned, as long as you have sober person driving you home.

He didn�t.

As he was leaving, he stopped at the corn dog stand for a bite to eat on his short drive home.

He must have been able to find his keys, because he started his trip on the highway connecting the two towns. But things went downhill soon after he took off.

He dropped his corndog on the floor of his pickup truck as he was driving 55 mph.

Of course, Porky wasn�t about to waste a good corndog, so he leaned over to pick it up. This caused him to swerve between two lanes of traffic, which caught the eye of a county mounty.

Naturally, he didn�t pass the sobriety test. The officer put him under arrest for driving while very drunk, and he hauled him off to jail.

When he called his wife, she was so angry at him she wouldn�t go to the jail to bail him out.

He finally found somebody to pick him up (I would say a �friend�, but I don�t think he really has any), and was home by daybreak.

His �friend� then went to where his truck was parked, so he could drive it to Porky�s place.

When he opened the truck�s door, Pork�s missing corndog fell to the ground����..

Antique - Futuristic


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