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Sunday, Nov. 24, 2002 - 7:13 p.m.

You can�t make this stuff up��.(plus, the Bears did WHAT today?)

I had the following article forwarded to my by a friend who thought I would see the humor in it. The article originally ran in the Edinburg Evening News (Scotland), so the language is a little different (duh!). You�ll get the drift, I�m sure�..

Court told of sex with traffic cone

AMY DEVINE

A MAN rolled about on the ground having sex with a traffic cone as stunned youths watched in disbelief, a court heard yesterday.

Ross Watt, 33, had sex with the bollard only because he couldn�t get his hands on his favored sex object - a pair of trainers. Watt had gone round teenager drivers gathered at an Edinburgh beauty spot asking if they would sell him their trainers.

But when they refused he turned his attention to the orange and white traffic cone and simulated sex with it. Watt was egged on by the crowd who shouted encouragement, urging him to "give it some".

Charles Robertson, 23, a mechanic, was one of about a dozen youths present on Calton Hill, when Watt made his bizarre request. Mr Robertson told Edinburgh Sheriff Court: "He first came along and spoke to us when we were in our cars.

"He approached us and asked if we had any shoes or trainers for sale. He was going from car to car asking this."

Watt, of Robertson Court, Edinburgh, then started rubbing his genitals up and down the traffic cone.

He said the incident carried on for about 15 or 20 minutes. Police were alerted to the late night incident on 3 September at Calton Hill and arrived to find Watt replacing a traffic cone by a gatepost just yards from the Scottish Executive�s St Andrew�s House.

His defense lawyer, Andy Gilbertson, suggested to Sheriff Mhairi Stephen that if his client had been performing at an Edinburgh Festival Fringe show and people were egging him on that it would have been acceptable, but then retracted his opinion.

Watt was found guilty of acting in a disorderly manner by simulating sexual intercourse with a traffic cone and placing members of the public in a state of fear and alarm on 3 September at Calton Hill and committing a breach of the peace.

Remind me to wear gloves whenever I have to handle traffic cones from now on�.


I made it off of the property today.

Barely, though.

I did the 30-minutes round trip to the local Kroger to pick up some large Ziploc� bags and a loaf of bread. Somehow, while picking up our weekly groceries Friday night, we forgot these two staffs of life.

Gave me an excuse to exercise without using the treadmill, too.

I had to walk through a little sleet on the way back, but the really bad weather has missed us so far. The forecast is for a trace to an inch of snow overnight.

I can promise you this: I won�t be sitting by the phone, waiting for the call from Beavis to come to work�.


What did the Bears do today ?(I mentioned them in the title, remember?)

They finally won.

The last time they won was mid-September. That was 8 long, dreadfully dull losses ago.

Luckily for the Bears, they came up against a team coached by an even bigger damn-ass than their coach, Dick Jauron.

Somehow, with the Bears down by 10 points with about 5 minutes to go, the Lions did every thing possible to let the Bears score enough to tie the game with no time on the clock.

Then, when the Lions won the coin toss to start overtime, they chose to kick the ball off. They wanted to have the wind at their backs.

Say what?

Your defence just gave up 10 points in less time than it usually takes the Bears to decide which color jersey to wear, and you want you defensive team to have to go right back on the field?

Then when they had stopped the Bears at their own 40-yard line (too far out for a field goal), the Lions coach decided to take a holding penalty to push the Bears further back. Third down and 20, instead of 4th down and 10. If the Lions don�t accept the penalty

Jim Miller then completes a pass for a 22-yard gain.

Three plays later, Paul Edinger kicks a 40-yard field goal.

Game over.

I thought we had the biggest moron in the NFL coaching our team.

I was wrong.

I guess one statistic says it all about how bad these two teams are: both games went to overtime, and the home team won each game.

Both teams have a record of 3-8.

Equally bad���

Antique - Futuristic


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