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Tuesday, Dec. 17, 2002 - 7:31 p.m. First off, I have a web page for you to visit. This one a translator page like no other. Most everyone has use done of those �English to Redneck� or �Elmer Fudd� translators available on the web. But this one is actually from a real person. I guess Mr. Dogg has plenty of free time on his hands, now that he is off the �sticky-icky�? Here are the first two paragraphs of my entry from yesterday, translated by �The Shizzalator�: Monday, Dec, know what I'm sayin'? 16, Two Thousand 'n '02 - 6:58 p.m. Light! I has light! ('n so does my Drug Dealer Neighbor!) Yeah, I figured out da problem wit izzle security light, know what I'm sayin'? It wasn�t anything I did yesterday while changing da fixture n' shit. It wuz caused by just another one of da many �crib repairs� that da previous owner had done this house." I don�t like playing wit electricity, so I haven�t done much upgrade da wiring around here." Sometime before we moved into da house, da old owner (lets call tha dude's ass D.F.A.D., which is short fo' Drunk Former Athletic Director, since that wuz tha dude's job at a local high school until tha dude retired this fall) paid a local electrician rewire much of da inside of da house, 'n tha dude had a circuit breaker box installed at da same time n' shit. Right after we moved in, I spent a day (wit da power shut off) replacing izzall of da old outlets 'n wall switches, bringing da house out of da 1930�s (when most of da old outlets wuz installed, know what I'm sayin'? Some even had cracked plastic, or whatever they made 'em out of back then) n' shit. But that wuz da extent of my electrical work." All except fo' da damn motion detector light I installed on izzle detached garage." Hey, all of the sitcoms are having those lame �flashback� episodes this time of year, so why can�t I throw a partial rerun up here, too. On second thought, I don�t want you to think of the paragraphs above as a Roadiepig �flashback� entry. I hate those �flashback� shows! They get you to watch the episode long enough to get the Neilson points they want before you figure out that it�s just a bunch of clips from old shows. These shows have �sucker!� plastered all over them�.. And now�back to my usual run-on sentence packed, misspelled word filled daily endeavor in writing� We are having a combination �Holiday Party�/ �Retirement Ceremony� this Friday at the storage. Since it could break out in heavy snow any day now, it is probably a good idea to have the retirement ceremony this week. The forecast for the rest of the work week is for much warmer than normal weather, with anything from showers to thunderstorms throughout the period. Since we are now in our 7th straight month of below normal precipitation here in Mohall, the rain is a welcome visitor. The forecast for next week is not a pretty. The jet stream is supposed to drop down much further south than it has been for the past month, and the daytime highs will be lucky to get above freezing. They are also calling for snow, so it looks like it might be another Christmas away from the family( at night, anyway.At least I won't have to miss out on the family gatherings like I would if I working days for call out next week ). Or worse yet, fighting both the snow and last minute shoppers on the 24th of December (my route includes the local mall, with Wallyworld tossed in for good measure).I have experienced that insanity before, and don't look forward to doing it ever again. I stuck a sign-up sheet by the pop machine Monday, and I told everyone to mark whether they wanted to participate in the dinner (it is voluntary), and if so, to please post what potluck item they planed on bringing that day. Some of the guys thought it would be funny to fill in some of the blanks for others (cigarettes and dead dog stew were a few of the fake entries), but for the most part everyone has listed their contribution. Some of the guys are single and don�t cook, but that�s not a problem. I just told them to sign up for something like cases of pop or heavy paper plates and cutlery. One of the guys who hadn�t filled in his slots asked me today what I thought we would need to have a complete menu. Since we have a bunch of meat dishes and tons of deserts, I told him to bring a case of diet Pepsi�. He said that was too easy, and that he wanted to bring his ex-wives (they are still �together�- it�s a long story) special green bean casserole. Yikes! Bad idea! Why? WARNING! IF YOU HAVE A SQUEMISH STOMACH, SKIP THE REST OF THIS SECTION OF TODAY�S ENTRY. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! Many years ago, he brought this holiday favorite (green beans, mushroom soup, and crunchy onion thingies) for another holiday dinner. When the old toolroom guy plugged thispersonwhowillremainnameless�s crock-pot into the power strip, he noticed something very strange. Something was MOVING under the glass! The old toolroom guy called me over, and then opened the lid. Inside of this �casserole� was a pair of cockroaches, trying their best to escape the soupy mixture. I have a strong stomach, but I almost tossed my breakfast right then. This left us in quandary- what to do with this tainted food? The old toolroom guy came up with the best idea- when the person who brought the dish wasn�t around, he dumped about half of the beans (plus the 2 visible roaches) into the trash. Then, we both discreetly warned the other guys to NOT EAT THE BEANS! That way, the bean-maker would think people ate his dish, nobody would eat the mess, and everybody would be happy. One problem: several people from London dropped by uninvited. They used to crash as many holiday dinners as possible, grazing like cattle on the �free food�, and then leaving. They even used to tell us WHICH day we could have our dinners, just so they could hit as many as possible. Since we were all already eating our meal when the showed up, nobody bothered telling them about the green beans. One of the people noticed the crock-pot containing the tainted beans, and told the person next to them, �Yum! I love green bean casserole!� I don�t know if any of them every found out the story about the green beans, but I will tell you this: They haven�t come back for a free meal at our storage since that day�. Sorry if that little story ruined the bowl of Wheaties� you were eating just now, but it had to be told. If not for this man asking me for food ideas, I would have forgotten the whole episode. Yeah, I know- you would have prefered it that way��
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