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Thursday, Jun. 05, 2003 - 8:39 p.m.

My bats are not corked- this is my promise to you�.

I wouldn�t know how to shove cork up one of our tenant mosquito eaters anyway�.

Even if you are not a baseball fan, you have probably heard about Sammy Sosa�s illegal bat from the game a couple of nights ago.

I missed the action (it happened in the first inning), but I did turn the game on in the ninth inning. I guess the broadcast team didn�t want to dwell on the broken, cork-filled bat, because they didn�t mention the actual incident in the full inning I watched. Chip Carey did say something about �the Cubs need this win, after the shocking developments tonight�.

That was all they said in the 30 minutes I had the tube turned on. With that obscure statement, I thought that maybe a child was hit by a foul line drive and was knocked unconscious or something.

Anyway�.my bats sleep all day, and eat insects all night.

Cork is not part of their diet���.


Hey- guess what?

Nobody that I work with was laid off or fired today!

I guess that mnakes it a good day�


We have a new summer hourly at the NDDOT.

His name is Zachary.

He says he has no nickname.

That won�t last for long. He will be stuck with one before he leaves this fall, whether he likes it or not.


Today, after two days of painting auger boxes, I gave him an easy job. I had him push our 3hp lawnmower around the lot, cutting all of the areas the John Deere misses each time the storage is mowed.

He did that job in about an hour. I thought it would keep him busy for at least 2.

Since he did that job well, I showed him how to operate the John Deere, and gave him a few hazard warnings (stay out of the septic field, watch out for anything I am growing in the garden, or in the front flower beds, etc.)

One thing I forgot to warn him about- the roll bar on the tractor, and what it can get into if you aren�t paying attention.

A little later, I was walking through the first bay in the shop when I heard a distinct �WHAM� from the north side of the building.

I knew immediately what he had hit.

It was the exhaust fan for the first bay. This sheet metal piece of crap is attached to the wall on the back of the building. If nobody told you to look out (I didn�t), it would easy to not notice how high the roll bar sticks up, and how low the vent is mounted on the wall.

By the time I got outside and around to the back of the building, Zachary had already shut the mower down.

He was standing up on the tractor, holding the entire ventilation system in his hands. He had knocked it completely off of the wall.

I have seen this thing popped a few times in the years I have worked for NDDOT (you can see how many times it has been hit by the number of sheet metal screws, drilled through the outside shell, that have held it to the wall), but have never seen it hanging completely loose.

I made sure he had a good grip on it (since it is something like 3� x 3�, and weights around 50 pounds), and went back inside for tools.

After getting it back precariously mounted to the wall, I told Zachary to not let it bother him, and told him to get back to mowing.

I drilled a few new holes, and slapped a few more TK self-tapping screws into the wall, and left it at that. Someday, we will have to pay a professional to mount a new unit into that wall. For now, with our tight budget we will just have to make do with what we have.

I know one thing- Zachary was bummed that he knocked the vent silly, and thought he was in trouble for the damage.

No problem, kid�.I won�t say anything to anyone.

Now, if a disgruntled taxpayer saw what happened, he might call the hotline and rat on him

I don�t think the new Gov. (forever to be know as SATAN, not SANTA- Karie�s orders! ;) is aiming at this low-level of employee.

Hell, he even told us on his first day that he got his job because the county head of SATAN�S political party gave it to him. His family is active in that party�s politics, I guess.

I think that makes him safe.

I doubt SATAN�S people want to fire one of their own�.


One last thing:

London let it be known that they had received a total of 20 phone calls to the hotline (before the stickers are even on our vehicles!) in the first two days after the press conference, and before the actual program was up and running.

10 were to complain about our lazy asses.

10 were to say that they think we work hard, and they thought the hotline was a bunch of crap (I wonder who the NDDOT employees were who made those calls?)

I would imagine that it�s like this in all 16 district headquarters.

I wonder if SATAN�S minions knew what a can of worms they would be opening, telling people to call up and rat on lazy highway employees.

I think they will end up wishing they didn�t start this whole mess. I know that they will need to hire extra people, just to answer the phone once the stickers are slapped on each vehicle.

Oh yeah- I almost forgot:

The State has asked for bids from companies who want to print all 6500 of the large-sized bumper stickers for the �1-800-phone-in-and-rat-on-an-employee� program.

Yes, that�s right- in a time of budget crisis and 15% across-the-board budget cuts, SATAN is planning on paying someone a ton of taxpayer�s dollars for some big stickers.

I wonder if he has a friend in the bumper sticker industry���..

Antique - Futuristic


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