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Wednesday, Oct. 22, 2003 - 7:56 p.m.

Exclusions? We don�t need no stinkin� exclusions!�..plus-potatoes!

We (being the insurer) will not pay for �loss� caused directly or indirectly by any of the following:

A. Nuclear Hazard-meaning any weapon employing atomic fission of fusion: or nuclear reaction or radiation or radioactive contamination or any other cause. But we will pay for direct physical �loss� caused by resulting fire if the fire would be covered under this Coverage Form. (Roadiepig speaking here- Whew! Good to know that I will get a settlement if an actual fire breaks out in the event of a nuclear �action�)

B. War, including undeclared or civil war; warlike action by a military force, including action hindering or defending against an actual or unexpected attack, by any government, sovereign or other authority using military personnel and other agents or insurrectionist, rebellion, revolution, usurped power of action taken by government in hindering or defending against these actions.

(Sounds pretty serious, doesn�t it? Must be something very dangerous the person needing this coverage against �loss� is considering buying this coverage for, right? Let�s skip ahead a little, folks�)

E. �Loss� due to acts caused by or resulting from rodents, insects, vermin, or other forms of wildlife.

(Hum- that�s not up there with �war� and �Nuclear Actions�, is it? Wonder what this is yet? Read on-we will skip a few more again)

H. �Loss� caused by intentional, dishonest, fraudulent, or criminal acts by you, any of your authorized agents, representatives, anyone you entrust with your property, and any of their family members, or ANYONE ELSE ALIVE ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH!(ok, I added the �ANYONE� part, but now we have covered war, nuclear actions, rodents ,and criminal behavior. Still wondering what this �coverage� is for? It continues�)

L. Unauthorized repair or replacement (That one is simple and straightforward ;)

N. Use of covered product in a manner for which it was not designed or intended for by the manufacturer, or failure to follow manufacturer�s installation, operation or maintenance instructions. ( I guess you shouldn�t use the �product� as a sex toy, right? But what if it is a turbo-powered dildo? Hum�.)

P. The discharge, dispersal, seepage, migration, release or escape of �pollutants�. Not much of a change this is a turbo-powered dildo anymore, is there?)

Q. �Loss� or damage due to battery leakage.(Back to the turbo-powered dildo, right? Read on�)

S. �Loss� due to normal wear and tear, gradual deterioration, inherent vice (whaaa???) or latent defect (This sounds pretty serious, don�t it? Maybe I should just stay away from any �product� that could have these types of �losses�? Wait- there is one more�)

T. �Loss� due to �mechanical and/or electrical� failure(Well, that�s a biggie, isn�t it? Covers most everything that could go wrong that wasn't listed in letters A- S, doesn't it?)

What is this �coverage� for?

Replacement coverage for a freakin� cell phone!

Codeman�s Sony/Erickson bit the dust this week, and while trying to get a new phone the 18-year-old general manager/clerk at the mall kiosk did his damnedest to convince him that he needed to pony up $3.95 a month to cover his new purchase.

What does the large print (all of the above A-T were in very tiny print) say the insurance actually covers?

Incidents Covered:

Loss (Ha! Everything possible is excluded in the fine print, dude!)

Theft (As long as you and/or your associates isn�t the thief)

Physical damage (Watch out for wildlife, though)

Liquid damage and resulting corrosion (As long as it isn�t caused by the government, nuclear actions, and wars).

One more thing- anytime you decide to place a �claim�, you have to include a payment of $35. This is referred to as a �deductible�, but it is technically more: it is non-refundable.

That way, if they can find ANY loophole in letters A through T, they can keep your $35, send your phone back (sucker!), and pay you nothing (sucker!).

Did I buy this coverage for his $159 phone?

Hell no.

The dead phone was 1 year old, and had water damage due to condensation. Maybe they would have covered this, but I doubt it.

Like most extended warranties and add-on insurances, this coverage is basically worthless.

I have to check, but I think the phone is covered if it is swiped from his truck (auto insurance) or from the house (homeowners insurance), and the deductible is only $50 anyway.

I�m sure the 18-year-old general manager/clerk at the mall kiosk is disappointed he didn�t pick up his commission on this insurance, but that�s just the way it goes sometimes���


Potatoes.

I tried an experiment with my crop this summer. Instead of digging up all of my �ripe (is that the right term?) potatoes when the tops died back, I left one row in the ground all summer. I dug a few up at a time whenever we needed them for our meals, and left the rest.

�Never let an August sun hit your potatoes in the garden�. That�s the old-timers saying around here. It means that you will ruin your crop if you let them stay in the ground too long.

Well��

I forgot about the rest of the row until today. I was pulling Lease�s radishes, and noticed a green top-half of a left-behind potato, jutting up out of the ground.

I grabbed my shovel, and I dug the rest of the �taters up.

Guess what?

With the exception of a few small �eyes� budding out on a couple of the tubers, the row was in great shape! I ended up with about a 3rd of a 5-gallon bucket full. That�s enough to last us until Thanksgiving.

I will have to remember to leave more in the ground next summer. Might be able to store enough to make it through the winter�.

Antique - Futuristic


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