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April 04, 2002 - 8:25 p.m. First off, Beavis is my boss, one step up the ladder from the lead workers (for those of you who wonder, occasionally who this Beavis man is. No, not the �Fire! Fire!� dude from MTV. The origin of his name is another story for another day.) Why did I designate him �The official timekeeper of the world?� Simple. He has a �clock-watching � fetish. Bad. About once every few months or so, he gets all excited about someone leaving early from work. Now, remember the person who is guilty of this sin is only leaving early according to HIS watch, not some time-punching clock or anything. Did I forget to mention that he sets his clock VEERRRYY SLLLOOOWWWW? Like, 5 minutes behind every other freakin� watch, clock, and radio station in the area? Anyway��� He only singles out the first person out of the gate, not all of the offenders. Guess who was the first person out last night? Yeah, me. I knew there was a problem when I walked into the storage this morning. As I went to the sign-in table, something was missing on the wall above it. The wall clock was gone. (Now, I should tell you this little tidbit--- we do cut it close every night. Since most of the clocks in the yard are a little fast, we START work early, too. I think that�s a fair trade, don�t you? 8 hours pay for 8 hours work, right?) So I knew it was my turn in the barrel. I was the first one out because I didn�t want to miss any of Codeman�s game (in case he did get to play). At exactly 7:30 (Beavis time), he came out and did one of his famous �Roadiepig! I need to see you in my office!� Yeah, the rest of the guys loved it. I was the one who had to take the flak, not them , I guess. His first words were �Do you have a problem staying for a full 8 hours� �Of course I do! Who wants to stay here any longer than they have to?� That�s what I thought, but I just told him �I thought it was 4, so if you feel I left early, it won�t happen again� Then he brought up his other bitch: we all take too much time on our breaks. Now, this tripped my trigger. �Beavis, I have to get up several times every lunch hour, and sometimes during breaks to answer the phone. Should I re-start my break every time that happens? The contract our union negotiated for us states I get a full, uninterrupted, 30-minute lunch. I never leave the yard so I can answer the phone in case of emergencies. Would you like me to leave everyday at lunch, and just lock the doors if nobody else is around? Don�t go there, because I give up my uninterrupted breaks for this place!� That was the end of the argument. He still had the pleasure of making me look silly in front of my co-workers, but he didn�t get my goat. The last time I was in trouble for �leaving work early�, I left the yard 30 seconds early. (according to his watch) I think it was 1994. When I had my year-end work evaluation the next year, he wrote a little something in my �disciplinary actions� section. �Roadiepig needs to work at working a full day during working hours� No kiddin�, that is the exact wording he used. I got a good laugh when I read this excuse for �discipline�. I had a section where I could respond to anything written on my evaluation, and I wrote, �Beavis needs to buy a watch that keeps the proper time. According to him, I left 30 seconds early ONE TIME! He should have bigger things to worry about than that!� The review came back from the headquarters just like I signed it. I�m sure the folks down there got a kick out of our little dispute��� I ran Codeman over to the formalwear store to fit him for a tuxedo for prom tonight. He picked out a cool three-button topcoat, with a desert blue whatever-you-call-it thing under the coat, and pleated pants with Doc Martin shoes. Who ever thought that a tux would come with shoes that look like low-top hiking boots?
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